


A Firm Belief

by xanam



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Angst, Other, Post-Canon, after the ending of the anime to be exact, overall just pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 12:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanam/pseuds/xanam
Summary: There is no miraculous solution, and no way of getting Astral back. Just silence, save for the rain soaking their skin. And Yuma is not coping well, not at all.





	A Firm Belief

It’s been days since Astral died, and everybody can tell that Yuma isn’t handling this well in the slightest. He’s kept to himself, staying confined in his room from practically the moment they returned, barely sleeping or coming down from the attic to see his friends when they visit, and they doubt he has eaten anything at all.

Nothing seems to be able to coax him out of his state of mourning, not even when they bring him gifts to lure him down, of food and fun, hell, Tokunuske is stunned when Yuma completely ignores his offer of the rare cards he’s managed to salvage (Through some rather questionable methods, if he’s honest, of course).

Yuma needs help to get through this, and Tokunuske can tell. He just hopes that his idea will be enough.

-

It’s been a few weeks, and Michael is getting worried for Yuma’s state of mind. Though he’s been eating and trying to act cheerful, it’s easy enough to see through the act. Yuma is hurting as badly as ever, in fact, it may very well be getting worse.

His smiles almost always seem faked, and he can’t help but notice a pattern in the ‘barian patrols’ that Yuma’s decided they should go on together. He can’t quite pinpoint it himself, but he’s sure one of the others would be able to.

He’s just glad Yuma’s fighting spirit hasn’t given up, not just yet. He still helped to defend what remained of the numbers, after all.

-

Tetsuo is still furious with Tokunuske for what he did.

For once, the short, shady teen probably truly did mean to help, but while Astral’s funeral seems to guide the majority of the numbers club through the loss, Yuma is only getting more and more upset.

He’s been watching the places that the depressed boy had been patrolling with III, and he instantly notices the pattern; every single place he lingers by is somewhere he and Astral had duelled together.

Every. Single. Place.

It doesn’t take a genius to know that it is no mere coincidence. Yuma is still grieving, still clinging to every memory of Astral that he has, refusing to move on, never improving.

And he can’t help but wonder if Yuma is more than just depressed.

This almost seems like heartbreak.

-

Nobody dares to bring it up for several more days, but soon, none of them can take it. It’s Kotori, Tetsuo and III who eventually bring up the topic of his chosen places to patrol, and even Yuma seems shocked.

This only increases their worry. All of this is happening subconsciously for him, he doesn’t even realise just how much losing Astral has affected him mentally.

Takashi watches Yuma as he stands in shock, beside the site of Astral’s grave, unable to admit the truth to himself; even without realising, he’s been searching for Astral this whole time, clinging to the hopeless fantasy that they’ll one day meet again.

They were never the closest of friends, but it still pains him to see Yuma like this.

The next thing he knows, it’s raining, and they’re all struggling to catch up with him. When they eventually do, he’s murmuring Astral’s name, stood right where they first met, panting from exhaustion and uncaring about the risk of getting sick. He falls to his knees, screaming for Kotori to leave him alone as she tries to reassure him, and Takashi and the others are once again in shock.

“Astral is definitely alive! There’s no way that guy would die, therefore… Therefore…  
"I will search for him forever! Until I meet him once again!”

He’s in tears, standing up as he begins to scream his words. At least before, he understood the fact that Astral was no longer amongst them, but now, he seems to be getting further and further from reality.

For several minutes, nobody moves. Kotori makes an attempt, tries to comfort him, but Yuma simply screams at her again, snarling at her to go away, because she doesn’t understand, _none of them understand-_

It’s at that moment that Takashi knows none of them have the power to snap Yuma out of this. There is no miraculous solution, and no way of getting Astral back. Just silence, save for the rain soaking their skin. Cathy shivers, and Tokunuske sneezes, and they quickly try to usher everyone inside. It takes a very long time for them to convince Yuma to move, and III is the one to eventually succeed.

It’s no surprise to anyone that he catches a cold.

-

Kaito feels guilty.

Kotori had informed him several days ago of Yuma’s behaviour, of his inability to carry on through Astral’s death, and of his regular visits to places that reminded him of his former companion. Maybe it’s the time he had spent working with and duelling alongside Yuma, maybe it’s the almost paternal instinct he has developed from caring for his little brother all these years, but he can’t help but wish there was something he could do.

Which was why he’d been spending as much time as he could afford to with Chris, researching any potential ways Astral could have survived. This was bigger than just Yuma, after all. They needed Astral if they were to stand any chance of being able to find and use the Numeron Code.

But they had made no progress, and Kaito was ashamed of himself. Without Astral, they had no way of using the code, meaning they’d be practically helpless in the war to come. They wouldn’t be able to risk the barians getting their hands on it, and with Yuma in such a compromising state of mind, things were anything but looking up.

He and Chris had been assaulted earlier on in the day by some sort of creature from the barian world reminding him of a giant mosquito, and now he was in the middle of a duel against Mr Heartland himself, barely making it through at all. Yuma had gathered the courage to do something at the last moment, his eyes filling with fear as Kaito collapsed from the strain of the duel, muttering to someone who wasn’t there as he took over Kaito’s duel.

It’s a surprise that he actually manages to win, and it doesn’t get much better.

Seeing it for himself hurt even more than what he had been told by Yuma’s friends.

From what anyone could gather, Yuma had started having hallucinations, quite often talking as though Astral was right there with him and chastising anybody who pointed this out - _No, he’s right there, you just can’t see him, heh, you’ve never been able to see Astral - shut up Kotori I wasn’t talking to you, she never listens, does she, Astral?_ \- and nothing seemed to be helping.

Kaito just wished he could be more useful.

-  
Yuma is broken.

It’s been hours at most, and things are becoming worse for everybody still living, but nobody is handling this as badly as Yuma. Their little 'numbers club’ is two people down already, and Cathy will never forget the look on Tokunuske’s face as he realised his mistake of picking up that card. Both he and Tetsuo are gone now too, along with many other people they’ve met throughout their time as friends - Anna, Fuya, IV…

They’re all fighting back tears, they’re all trying to handle what the barians have done, but for Yuma, the last straw is Shark and Rio’s betrayal.

He’s collapsed in the back of the van now as they try to flee, still shaking with sobs even unconsciously. The poor boy had faced far too much in such a short amount of time, and he was already depressed enough. It was breaking Cathy’s heart to see someone she loved so dearly go through so much pain, and she’s beginning to believe Yuma isn’t going to improve at all.

III and V are gone now, too, and Kaito has set off for the moon, alone. Yuma tries to tell them all to go home, he can do this by himself, he’s good at steering the ship, maybe he’ll find Astral along the way to barian world-

And they all shake their heads, _No Yuma, this is our fight too! We’re coming with you!_

-But they all know there’s more to it than that, another reason they won’t let him out there by himself-

_We don’t trust you to stay safe alone._

-  
Kotori and Nasch can’t help but scream as Yuma launches himself at Vector in a desperate attempt to save the one who had caused so much pain to them all _\- no, not you too, Shingetsu please stay, I can’t lose anyone else, no Shingetsu **please don’t let go, STAY WITH ME, DON’T LET GO, SHINGETSUUUUUUUU!**_ \- and Yuma’s face as Vector lets go of his hand is heartbreaking.

They’re the only ones left now (Save for Mizael, but Nasch isn’t entirely sure where he is). Vector had killed the rest of the barians before meeting his own fate, and Cathy and Takashi had met their own fates in an attempt to enter the fray.

All he can do now is work with Yuma and try to destroy Don Thousand, which would be a miracle all of its own, then take on Yuma himself.

-

But that was a long time ago.

Life is different, now.

Kotori still has no idea how Yuma managed to beat Shark, nor does she care, because it seemed that doing so was just what was needed to return everyone who had been supposedly killed by the barians.

It almost gives her the hope that maybe there’s a chance Astral is okay, too.

Almost.

Yuma smiles now, and hangs around with his friends once more, seeming to once again have some of the light in his eyes that had been missing for so long. They’re sixteen now, and though Yuma still isn’t completely over everything, he seems to be coping much better.

The barians never returned.

Kotori assumes they must’ve needed to use the Numeron Code to revive them, and without Astral, this was impossible. Sometimes she still catches Yuma crying over Shark when he thinks nobody is around, but she hasn’t once heard him mention Astral since saving the world, at least, nothing about him still being alive, anyway.

As much as she wants to take this is a good sign, it worries her.

This worry is only proven to be valid when she’s visiting his house one afternoon. He’s smiling, as always, making light of anything they discuss and eating enough for a small army, but his silence about one particular subject becomes clear as she accidentally knocks a pile of books off his shelf.

“Yuma, what’s this? I’ve never seen this one before.”

“Aah! No, that’s-”

She gasps as she sees the contents of the book.

It seems to be… A journal. She began looking through the pages curiously, and Yuma begins to get more and more panicked. Her eyes widen after realising what’s going on.

“Yuma… You’re still trying to find Astral, aren’t you?”

He glared.

“So what if I am? Kotori, he’s still alive, I know it. Astral can’t be dead. I already told ya, didn’t I? I’ll spend my life searchin’ for him! I don’t care how long it takes me, I ain’t givin’ up.”

She had been wrong, all this time. Yuma had never stopped looking, he was just getting better at hiding his desperation. She shakes her head at him sadly.  
“Please, Yuma… I’ve never seen you so desperate to find Shark, or Rio, or Alito, or any of the other barians-”

“Because they’re dead, Kotori!”

Her eyes widen.

“Kotori, they’re dead. But not Astral. Astral’s still out there, and I’m gonna find him. I want him back. I want my Astral back. He’s still out there…” He seems to get angrier at her blank expression, eyes welling with tears. “Why aren’t you listening to me?! _I want my Astral back!_ They took my most important person, Kotori! I won’t let them keep him! And I’m going to save him!”

She’s heard enough. She rises to her feet with a glare.

“Yuma! Listen to yourself! You just can’t let go! Astral’s dead! He’s been dead for three years! Please, listen to me! You can’t go on like this-”

“No! I don’t have to hear this from you!” Yuma seems the most enraged yet, standing up and facing away from her, voice shaking. “…Get out.”

“Yuma-”

**_“Out!”_ **

Maybe it’s time to give up.

-

He’s in his mid twenties, now, and Yuma barely sees any of his old friends any more. After graduating from high school, he decided to put his plans into action, working his way up to becoming an explorer just like his parents. He figures, if Astral’s no longer on earth, maybe he’s in astral world, and he knows for a fact that his father somehow stumbled across it while out on another one of his adventures.

Sometimes he wonders if he should quit, but then he’ll see Astral, stood right beside him, a warm smile on his face, always telling him to kattobingu, that they can finally see each other again for real. Yuma knows that the hallucinations are a simple figment of his imagination, it’s something he’s come to terms with years ago, but it’s still nice to let himself believe, at least for a little while. As always, they can never touch, and Yuma, as always, feels the same pointless disappointment.

His friends would often send letters and emails, the occasional call or two, but he hasn’t heard from anybody in months. All communication with them seemed to come to an alarming standstill all at once, and it had him rather concerned, but he isn’t due for another visit home for another few months. There isn’t all that much he could do to investigate.

But for now, Yuma smiles. He believes he is close to finding  his most important person once more.

-

Discovering the remains of what used to be Heartland City holds him back several years. He’s in his early thirties by the time he goes out looking once more.

He has no idea if his friends are still alive, and it really brings everything into perspective to him - all this time, he’s been searching for one person, when he should have been trying to be there for the others he still had, too. He should have made room for both.

But it’s too late, now. And finding Astral would be really comforting at this point in time.

He’s almost given up at this point.

He’s searched what feels like every corner of the earth, searching everywhere he possibly can, even looking back at the various old barian ruins (The nostalgia hits him like a brick, and quite a few tears were shed), but no luck.

But that’s when it happens. He feels like he’s going to pass out, but then there’s light, soft, gentle light, and everything feels like it’s going to be okay.  
Instantly, he knows that this is astral world. He has no idea how he got here, all he knows is that he’s alive, and he’s finally going to get his Astral back.

Finally. After all these years.

His surroundings are welcoming and cool, everything bathed in a cool blue light around him. His eyes soften as he sees someone float by, not noticing him.

_Astral!_

Yuma is ecstatic. It’s been twenty years, but he was right this whole time. Astral really is alive. Astral is right in front of him.

What should he say?

He wants so badly to rush up to him and wrap his arms around his old friend, to tell him how much he’s missed him and how glad he is that he’s okay, that he’s never stopped looking for him and that even after all this time he loves him very much, but he’s so nervous.

What if Astral doesn’t want to see Yuma? What if that’s the reason he’s never come to visit since?

No. He couldn’t chicken out, not now.

_Kattobingu._

“…Astral!” He shouts, and he can hear the sheer joy in his own voice. Astral turns around slowly, and Yuma’s heart warms. Yup, that’s definitely Astral. He doesn’t look to have changed in appearance at all over the years.

But something seems wrong. Very wrong.

Curiously, the blue being drifts over to him, and Yuma suddenly feels a pang of realisation - there isn’t an ounce of recognition in those eyes he knew so well.

“…And who might you be?”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah!!!! I wasn't gonna post any more zexal fics on here, but tumblr is falling apart so I'm grabbing all my old fanfics and hoping to get them out elsewhere. I wrote this in april 2015 for my friend's birthday, so this is really going back, dang.  
> Still, there's a couple more fics I wanna get up on here before tumblr implodes, so I'll get to that! Comments are appreciated a ton if you liked it, even if it's only something small! <3


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